How to Take Responsibility for Your Personal and Professional Life

The word responsibility often has a negative connotation, because when we were growing up the word was associated with doing something wrong. When our parents, teachers or guardians would say "Who's responsible for this?', it generally had to do with something that wasn't accomplished correctly or something that had just been broken. Either way, it left us with a bad feeling. But taking responsibility for what we do, has much more to do with how successful we will be and what we ultimately become. Here is how to work to turn the negativity, positive.

1. Step 1

   Accept the fact that you are in control of what you do. If you surround yourself with people who influence you to make poor choices, you surrounded yourself with those people. You can change that.

2. Step 2

   Set up daily, weekly, monthly goals and create a plan to achieve them. Ask for the help of others to achieve your goals from people who are genuinely are interested in your well being and success. The success doesn't have to be financial success you are looking to achieve. It could be personal success -- overcoming smoking or dieting or building a shed for instance.

3. Step 3

   Plan for the unexpected, because setbacks will occur to slow down your plan. If you expect something to take a week, add a few extra days; if it gets done within the original time frame that is even better. Plan for delays, they surely will happen and be prepared to deal with them. Often in today's business world we are tempted to rush to finish and then are disappointed in the results.

4. Step 4

   Overcome putting off until tomorrow what you can do to today. Procrastination isn't going to help you achieve your goals. Take charge of what you have control over. You have control over, what you do, not what others do.

5. Step 5

   Believe you have the right to accomplish what you have set out to do, by setting goals that are "SMART" goals. Those goals should be specific, measurable, attainable, relevant, and time bound.

6. Step 6

   Don't accept responsibility for someone else's failures, but be willing to accept responsibility for your own actions. Remember this - there is no failure in trying to do something, the only failure is in not trying.

7. Step 7

   Accept that you will need to do some things that are not as enjoyable as others, to accomplish your ultimate goal.

8. Step 8

   Do even the things you are unhappy about with the same professionalism and dedication that you do the thing you enjoy. Be able to say, you do your best in everything you do.

How To Communicate: Improve Your Relationships With Effective Communication Skills

Here's How:

1. Stay Focused: Sometimes it’s tempting to bring up past seemingly related conflicts when dealing with current ones. Unfortunately, this often clouds the issue and makes finding mutual understanding and a solution to the current issue less likely, and makes the whole discussion more taxing and even confusing. Try not to bring up past hurts or other topics. Stay focused on the present, your feelings, understanding one another and finding a solution.
2. Listen Carefully: People often think they’re listening, but are really thinking about what they’re going to say next when the other person stops talking. Truly effective communication goes both ways. While it might be difficult, try really listening to what your partner is saying. Don’t interrupt. Don’t get defensive. Just hear them and reflect back what they’re saying so they know you’ve heard. Then you’ll understand them better and they’ll be more willing to listen to you.
3. Try To See Their Point of View: In a conflict, most of us primarily want to feel heard and understood. We talk a lot about our point of view to get the other person to see things our way. Ironically, if we all do this all the time, there’s little focus on the other person’s point of view, and nobody feels understood. Try to really see the other side, and then you can better explain yours. (If you don't 'get it', ask more questions until you do.) Others will more likely be willing to listen if they feel heard.
4. Respond to Criticism with Empathy: When someone comes at you with criticism, it’s easy to feel that they’re wrong, and get defensive. While criticism is hard to hear, and often exaggerated or colored by the other person’s emotions, it’s important to listen for the other person’s pain and respond with empathy for their feelings. Also, look for what’s true in what they’re saying; that can be valuable information for you.
5. Own What’s Yours: Realize that personal responsibility is a strength, not a weakness. Effective communication involves admitting when you’re wrong. If you both share some responsibility in a conflict (which is usually the case), look for and admit to what’s yours. It diffuses the situation, sets a good example, and shows maturity. It also often inspires the other person to respond in kind, leading you both closer to mutual understanding and a solution.
6. Use “I” Messages: Rather than saying things like, “You really messed up here,” begin statements with “I”, and make them about yourself and your feelings, like, “I feel frustrated when this happens.” It’s less accusatory, sparks less defensiveness, and helps the other person understand your point of view rather than feeling attacked.
7. Look for Compromise Instead of trying to ‘win’ the argument, look for solutions that meet everybody’s needs. Either through compromise, or a new solution that gives you both what you want most, this focus is much more effective than one person getting what they want at the other’s expense. Healthy communication involves finding a resolution that both sides can be happy with.
8. Take a Time-Out: Sometimes tempers get heated and it’s just too difficult to continue a discussion without it becoming an argument or a fight. If you feel yourself or your partner starting to get too angry to be constructive, or showing some destructive communication patterns, it’s okay to take a break from the discussion until you both cool off. Sometimes good communication means knowing when to take a break.
9. Don’t Give Up: While taking a break from the discussion is sometimes a good idea, always come back to it. If you both approach the situation with a constructive attitude, mutual respect, and a willingness to see the other’s point of view or at least find a solution, you can make progress toward the goal of a resolution to the conflict. Unless it’s time to give up on the relationship, don’t give up on communication.
10. Ask For Help If You Need It: If one or both of you has trouble staying respectful during conflict, or if you’ve tried resolving conflict with your partner on your own and the situation just doesn’t seem to be improving, you might benefit from a few sessions with a therapist. Couples counseling or family therapy can provide help with altercations and teach skills to resolve future conflict. If your partner doesn’t want to go, you can still often benefit from going alone.

Tips:

1. Remember that the goal of effective communication skills should be mutual understanding and finding a solution that pleases both parties, not ‘winning’ the argument or ‘being right’.
2. This doesn’t work in every situation, but sometimes (if you’re having a conflict in a romantic relationship) it helps to hold hands or stay physically connected as you talk. This can remind you that you still care about each other and generally support one another.
3. Keep in mind that it’s important to remain respectful of the other person, even if you don’t like their actions.
4. Here's a list of common unhealthy ways to handle conflict. Do you do some of these? If so, your poor communication skills could be causing additional stress in your life.

How to Develop Good Communication Skills

Steps

1. Know what communication really is. Communication is the process of transferring signals/messages between a sender and a receiver through various methods (written words, nonverbal cues, spoken words). It is also the mechanism we use to establish and modify relationships.

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2. Manifest constructive attitudes and beliefs. The attitudes you bring to communication will have a huge impact on the way you compose yourself and interact with others. Choose to be honest, patient, optimistic, sincere, respectful, and accepting of others. Be sensitive to other people's feelings, and believe in others' competence.

3. Make eye contact. Whether you are speaking or listening, looking into the eyes of the person with whom you are conversing can make the interaction more successful. Eye contact conveys interest, and encourages your partner to be interested in you in return. In less intimate settings, when giving a speech or when in front of several people, holding the eyes of different members of your audience can personalize what you are saying and maintain attention.

4. Be aware of what your body is saying. Body language can say so much more than a mouthful of words. An open stance with arms relaxed at your sides tells anyone around you that you are approachable and open to hearing what they have to say. Arms crossed and shoulders hunched, on the other hand, suggest disinterest in conversation or unwillingness to communicate. Often, communication can be stopped before it starts by body language that tells people you don't want to talk. Appropriate posture and an approachable stance can make even difficult conversations flow more smoothly.

5. Have courage to say what you think! Be confident in knowing that you can make worthwhile contributions to conversation. Take time each day to be aware of your opinions and feelings so you can adequately convey them to others. Individuals who are hesitant to speak because they do not feel their input would be worthwhile need not fear; what is important or worthwhile to one person may not be to another and may be more so to someone else. In a world so very big, someone is bound to agree with you, or to open your eyes to an even deeper perspective. The courage to say what you think can afford you the opportunity to learn more than you knew before.

6. Speak clearly enough to be heard. When you are saying what you think, have the confidence to say it so as to be heard. An appropriate tone and volume can inform listeners that you mean what you say, you have thought about what you are saying, and what you are saying is worth hearing. Using proper inflection helps ensure that your listeners hear exactly what you are saying, and reduces possibilities for misunderstanding.

7. Practice. Developing advanced communication skills begins with simple interactions. Communication skills can be practiced every day in settings that range from the more social to the more professional. New skills take time to refine, but each time you use your communication skills you open yourself to opportunities and future partnerships.

8.Develop effective listening skills. Not only should one be able to speak effectively, one must listen to the other person's words and engage in communication on what the other person is speaking about. Avoid the impulse to listen only for the end of their sentence so that you can blurt out the ideas or memories that come to your mind while the other person is speaking.

How to Start a Good Day?

Pumping ourselves up with optimism in the morning by doing several things can give us a jump start on our well being. Starting out with a positive attitude can make a world of difference when you greet the day. Here are a few tips to get the motor running.

10 Tips to good start a day

10. Sleep Early: Now you must be thinking that how sleeping early can help in starting a good day. Answer is, sleeping early will give your body,mind and eyes full rest. Proper to all three things mentioned above is essential. If we will sleep early, we will also wake up early in the morning. It is good to have 6-8 hours of sound sleep.

9. Wake up Early: As sleeping early is important, waking up early is equally important. If we sleep more than 8 - 10 hours our body will start paining. Instead of giving rest, we will start our day with body ace. More time spent in bed is also harmful, it makes a person lazy. Lazy person can't give a day a good start. Start you good day by waking up early. As said by Ben Franklin "Early to bed, early to rise, makes a man healthy, wealthy and wise."

8. Washing Eyes With Cold Water: Washing eyes with cold water gives relief to your eyes. Once the eyes are washed properly we get better vision after waking up.

7. Surya Namaskar(Sun Salutation): After washing your eyes, do Surya namskar for 5 - 10 minutes. Surya namaskar is part of traditional yoga. Surya namskar is performed while the sun is rising. Rising sun can be seen with naked eyes as the Sun is less brighter than as compared to be in afternoon. As per Indian tradition Surya(Sun) is thought to be top of all gods. Most of Hindus(Indians) use to do Surya Namaskar in morning to start their good day.

6. Yoga: Yoga = Healthy Body + Healthy Mind..
Yoga keeps our body fit and makes our mind healthy. Due to our hectic schedule our mind remains in stress. Yoga, the science and art of life, was discovered by our forefathers and they handed it over to us as a priceless heritage. Its value is seriously realized in today’s world. Today’s world is dynamic, and stressful. To meet its demands we have to work hard. In the process, we develop stresses and strains. Yoga is a science that enlightens us regarding why we feel stress, tension and pain. It suggests a life style which is free from stress and pain. It restores the imbalances in our physical and mental systems. It makes our body and mind effective for leading a happy and healthy life. So do yoga for 15-20 minutes for self meditation and getting relief from stress.

5. Jogging: 10-15 minutes of slow jogging help in keeping body fit. Jogging helps in proper and fast circulation of blood. When we wake up early our mind comes from a rest state to active state. Due to this, the pace of flow of blood is slow. To bring it to normal pace as it is in during day time we must do jogging. Jogging is just like any wrestler warming up before match.

4. Laughing: Laugh loudly for 5 - 6 minutes. This is called laughter therapy. Laughing loudly fastens our blood flow and helps in removing any stress or strain .

3. Proper Bath and Brush: After you have performed all the activities mentioned above we must rest for 15-20 minutes. After rest we must have proper brushing of teeth and bath. Our 1/2 of day goes bad because we don't have proper bath and we also don't clean our teeth's, tongue properly. All the day we fight with bad smell coming from mouth and body.

2. Healthy Breakfast: Good and healthy breakfast is required in morning as we have to take so much work from our body. Most of us skip breakfast as we think that it is not important to have breakfast. As you have not eaten from 8 - 10 hours your body must be demanding some thing to go inside to get energy. Eat something which gives you energy. I use to take scrambled eggs and oatmeal. These two things provide my body fibre, protein and long-lasting carbohydrates.

1. Positive Thinking: Think positively in morning. Always think that you will achieve the goals you have set for yourself. Bring good thoughts in mind. Tell your mind that you will remain calm for whole day in any case, good or bad.

How to Save Time in the Long Term

When talking about productivity, we often talk about how to do things efficiently to save time. While doing things efficiently could save you time in the short term, you may still lose time in the long term. The reason is that you lose more time not by how you do things but by what you don’t do. Not doing things efficiently could cost you hours or days, but not doing things at all could cost you months or years.

Why does it happen? Why don’t people do what is right to do? There are three reasons for that:

1. They don’t know what is right to do.
2. They know what is right to do but underestimate its importance.
3. They know it’s important but procrastinate doing it.

In this post I will focus on the first and second reasons. For the third reason you can read defeating procrastination habit or my review of The Now Habit.

The first and second reasons have cost me time again and again. One example in blogging is regarding Amazon Associates program. Since the early days of my blogging I often write about the books I read. Some of the posts (like 37 Lessons to Help You Live a Life that Matters and 106 Tips to Become a Master Connector) became popular and attracted a lot of visitors. But I didn’t know that I could earn commissions by referring people to Amazon through those post. Only after blogging for almost one year did I realize that and join Amazon Associates.

Experiences like this teach me that to save time I need to prevent such things from happening again in the future. I must find the right things to do and do them.

Here are some tips to save time by finding the right things to do:

1. Expand your knowledge

The first thing you should do is expanding your knowledge. If you don’t even know that something exists then there is nothing you can do about it. That’s why it’s important that you get as many options as possible on your radar. You can do this by regularly reading books, magazines, and blogs in your field. You can also read materials from other fields – whether they are related or not – so that you can cross-pollinate ideas. Of course, reading is just one way to expand knowledge. There are other ways like watching videos, attending seminars, and joining professional organizations.

2. Write down all potential ideas

While expanding your knowledge, you will find potential ideas along the way. Write down all of them in your idea journal. The act of writing makes the ideas sink deeper into your mind. You should write not only the ideas that incrementally improve your way of doing things but also the ideas that could radically change the way you do things. I often get such ideas from unrelated fields and experiences.

3. Take the ideas seriously

This is where I often make mistakes. It deals with the second reason above: knowing what is right to do but underestimating its importance. To overcome it, whenever you encounter an idea ask yourself: what if the idea is right? What consequences will it have on my way of doing things? Perhaps there is no consequences right now, but what are the potential consequences five or ten years from now?

4. Find the ideas that have the biggest potential regret for you

Since you have only limited resources (whether they are time, money, or energy) and most likely many potential ideas, you should choose only a few of them that are most promising to implement. My favorite way of doing this is by assessing the potential regret I would have if I didn’t implement an idea.

Imagine yourself years from now looking back. What can you potentially regret if you don’t implement the idea? Questioning potential consequences as you do in #3 should help you find the regret level you could have if you don’t implement it.

So here is a key question to choose the few ideas to look deeper into:

Which ideas – assuming the ideas are right – could make you regret the most if you don’t implement them?

5. Investigate the ideas

Now that you have a few promising ideas, you should look deeper into them. Get as much information as possible about them. Ask or learn from people who already apply them. Use the questions what, why, when, where, who, and how to guide your investigation:

• What is the idea?
• Why should I apply the idea? Why is it good?
• When should I apply the idea?
• Where can I apply the idea?
• Who should apply the idea? To whom should the idea be applied?
• How should I apply the idea?

If possible, find multiple viewpoints for the questions so that you get complete view of the idea.

6. Test the most promising ideas

From your investigation you will get one or two most promising ideas. Now what you need to do is testing them in the real world. Apply the ideas. Incorporate them into what you do. Find out by yourself whether or not the ideas work. Some of them will fail but that’s how you improve yourself to save time in the future.

***

These tips will help you save time in the long term. As you’ve seen, the idea is to minimize your potential regret. Minimizing your potential regret has nothing to do with playing safe. Instead, it requires you to take risks here and there.

Psychological effects of a break up

“Pain is a common denominator among all men” the sentence read. I can’t recall the book because I was interrupted by some sand I discovered in my shoe. I removed what bit of the sand I could find from my shoe and continued down the board walk exploring the shops.That line, however, stood out, permanently imprinting its words on my memory. So simply stated, it reveals a great truth that is sometimes overlooked. Neither wealth, nor power, nor poverty can protect you from the irritating sting of pain.

Not many of us are fortunate enough to say we have never experienced a broken heart, and to have your heart broken by someone that you have shared so much with and invested a great bit of yourself in can generate a radiating pain that floods your soul and washes over your entire being.

A break-up can be a like a rough wave that takes you off your feet when you least expect it. It causes you to land full force on your chest drowning your ability to rationalize, to feel, to breathe. It leaves you feeling disoriented, out of control, and frightened.

You’ve heard the term “broken heart”, but what does that really entail? What goes on beneath the surface of your brain is astounding. Let’s dive into the psychological effects of a break-up.

If you’ve ever been dumped you probably experienced the following reactions:

• Shock and Confusion
• Denial
• Guilt
• Grief and Sadness
• Anger

All of these are completely normal and may come in different order than listed above. However, did you realize that these were your body’s way of protecting you? Your brain operates by producing neurotransmitters.

These are basically the emotional plugs that keep your brain a float. These chemicals aid in the function of all your body parts as well as the sometimes seemingly over active emotions you experience on a daily basis.

When you here those words “We need to talk” a tidal surge of norepinephrine rushes from a part of your brain called the amygdala making you more alert, causing your palms to sweat a little, and your heart to beat harder. When he continues to say “It’s not working out” or “Let’s just be friends” that surge happens again.

You go into a sort of panic mode. Your brain reacts as if your body is about to experience some great trauma so it releases adrenaline causing you to either freeze, start crying, hyperventilating, or even shaking.

You cry yourself to sleep that night only to wake up the next morning feeling shipwrecked and abandoned. You recount those final words, and try to rationalize what happened. You remember every detail about your relationship and inspect each area closely.

You think of things you could have done, and feel guilty for not doing them. You ponder the many different ways you could reconcile what is lost, and all of this leads to an overwhelming sadness. This is caused by the levels of serotonin in your brain decreasing to lower than normal, causing you to feel depressed and hopeless. So go ahead and cry, this actually helps boost those levels of serotonin making you feel better.

At some point during this process you will feel anger. For some it comes early and others it is a delayed response. This emotion is due to the neurotransmitters known as catecholamines released in your brain.

At the thought of him with another girl, certain words he may have said, or just the situation in general, this chemical causes you to get a burst of energy that makes your heart beat faster, your blood pressure to rise, and your rate of breathing to increase.

There is no right or wrong way for your body to react to this despair. When I was last dumped in 2007, I did not see it coming. How can a guy tell you that he loves you one day then take it back the next? How can he tell you that you are the most beautiful girl in the world then turn around and tell you that he no longer finds you attractive? How can he tell you that every endearment he had shared with you was all a mistake? I could not understand why my ex would tell me any of these things.

Thankfully, I had a best friend who was up late that night when I called her. I rushed over to her house where she then took me down to the 24-hour Walgreens, bought me a chocolate milk, some crayons, and a couple of Disney Princess coloring books. She took me back home, and we colored into the wee hours of the morning.

While your brain takes care of your body, you need to take care of your heart.

Here are some things you can do to help yourself through this grueling process:

Do not isolate yourself

Surround yourself with people that will lift you up in your time of distress. Go out and have fun. Make new memories to replace the old ones.

Establish a routine

If you don’t already have a specific routine you go by everyday, start one. At least have a couple of things to do. Start a new hobby, or pick up an old one. This will help you fill up the time that you would have been spending with Mr. What’s his face.

Give yourself a week

Give yourself a week to mourn this loss in your life. You may think at first you can’t live without him, but the reality is YOU WILL LIVE! You won’t get over this in a week, but at least do the hard core crying, yelling, and pillow punching within the first seven days. The next seven days will be challenging, but not as bad as the first week.

Doing what is listed above will release endorphins in your brain creating a sensation of peace and happiness.

Your brain is a fascinating creation designed to release chemicals to protect you in traumatic experiences, even in break-ups. Your brain knows that you physically cannot handle going from being in a committed relationship to being dumped without a grieving process.

The emotions you experience act as a cushion to help you through this process, and additional outside assistance can help guide to smooth sailing. It is important to not let bitterness arise over the horizon. It along with resentment and even spite will surely rear their ugly heads, but these are feelings that you do not want to be involved with.

They’re stormy waters that will toss you all about without any rest. Forgive him for all the hurt he has caused you. No one is perfect, and he failed in a certain area just like you may fail in another.

Pain is inevitable and unavoidable. It is like sand that gets caught in your shoe, irritating. But what happens when sand gets caught in an oyster? It makes a pearl. Going through a break-up is an irritating circumstance that gives you rarity and a beauty that you could not have achieved without the pain.

10 Things To Do Besides Cry After a Break Up

Breaking up can be hard to do. But instead of sitting around crying all day and night, try some of these ideas instead!

• Work out. Nothing relieves stress like a good work out at the gym, or even a run around your neighborhood. Pop in your IPod and have at it. You will get in shape, and feel better about yourself.
• Watch your favorite movie or TV show. If you’re watching a program you really enjoy, you won’t be thinking about things that make you sad. Pull out an old comedy, or watch re-runs of your favorite TV show and keep your mind off everything.
• Play with your pet. Pets never let you down! Cuddle with your dog, play with your cat, or even talk to your fish. Pets are there for you no matter what- they are your best friend and love you regardless.
• Hang out with friends. They can make you laugh and help you have fun, forgetting about why you’re sad. Go out to eat, grab drinks, watch movies, or even work out together.
• Clean. Clean your room, clean out your car, straighten up your house- cleaning is another stress reliever and it helps keep your space neat too! It also might trigger a creative side to redecorate or clean something else.
• Change Something. Whether it is a new hair style, rearranging your room or house, or signing up for some sort of class, changing something in your life can be for the better. It’s like starting a new You- and what a perfect time to do so.
• Plan for the future. You’re single and independent now, so plan ahead. Make some fun plans for the summer, pick out classes for the fall, or plan a trip for anytime. Set goals and deadlines for things you want to accomplish now that you aren’t tied down.
• Buy something new. Don’t go out and blow all your money because you are upset, but buying something small for yourself can help a lot. A cute shirt, a new CD, or a cool pair of shoes will help keep a smile on your face.
• Fix your favorite meal. Fix yourself or order something you love but don’t normally get to eat. Order Chinese, fix a steak, make some delicious pasta, or even get ice cream.
• Burn a new CD. Make a CD with all your favorite songs. Keep them upbeat and don’t put songs that will remind you of your ex on it- keep it to brand new songs or old songs that remind you of other people and fun times.

Things you'll need

You can do it without the following items, but they are highly recommended for the most rewarding (yes, really!) experience possible:

• A few shoulders to cry on. It really does help to talk about it, preferably to more than just one person (if only to give your best friend some relief).
• A Teddy Bear (for hugs and to talk to at 4am when everyone else is asleep.) That is, unless, your ex is named Ted. Dogs and cats will do, too, although pets may not always give you quite that loving sympathetic gaze and undivided attention that teddy bears are so good at. (But avoid the stuffed animals/gifts your ex gave you)
• Hot showers (As much as you may not even want to get out of bed, much less get in the shower - *sniffle* "who cares if I wash my hair now, anyway?" - you will feel better after a shower, or a nice long soak in the tub. Hot water relaxes tense muscles, soothes anxiety and refreshes puffy eyes and swollen, tear-stained faces.
• Paper and pens (a journal is perfect, paints and glue and other illustration tools, even better!)
• Funny movies and absorbing novels can be a great temporary respite and laughter can really lighten your mood.
• Healthy snacks! If you're one of the millions who try to fill that hollow sad feeling through your mouth (which doesn't work because food isn't what you're missing), fill the fridge with celery sticks and other light snacks that you won't regret later if you're nibbling nervously. (On the other hand, don't forget to eat! Heartbreak can often rob you of your appetite, but be sure not to to punish yourself and remember to think about your health, as you are the most important person now. Being ill from malnutrition won't help you be strong enough to move on. If you've lost your appetite, make sure you have the fridge stocked with relatively healthy food that you like, and make sure you eat enough to keep your energy up.)
• Your sense of humor and your knowledge that "this too shall pass".
• Lots of tissues.
• Self-love. Even if you aren't feeling so hot about yourself right now, look in the mirror and remind yourself of all the good things about you, and the fact that breaking up does not mean there is something wrong with you. Find things you like about yourself. If you're having trouble telling yourself good things, go out and commit a covert act of kindness towards a friend or stranger and savor the feeling of having such a sweet secret. And remember that lots of great people have failed relationships; the fact that your relationship failed says nothing about you as a person. it doesn't mean there is something wrong with you, it means there was something not working in the relationship.
• Friends and family can be a great support system - you may find that the people you're closest to will do anything and everything to help you heal and be happy again. However, sometimes this isn't the case. If you have unsupportive people in your life, you need to seek support elsewhere. Make meeting supportive new people who share your interests part of your new challenge! But whether it's friends or family, the point is to get out of your house and out of your own head and go spend time with other people. Even if that feels like the last thing you want to do, it's important that you don't just barricade yourself at home and go through this by yourself. Once you establish that pattern, it gets harder and harder to break out of it. Make room for your friends and let them help you through this.
• The realization that great guys/girls DO exist, this is not the last person you will ever love, and that one day you'll find the one for you that you'll go the distance with. If you found it once, you can find it again. Promise.
• Something to get your mind off of that certain guy or girl. Maybe just hanging out with good friends or going shopping for something that you really want. You might be surprised by how much better you feel once you take your mind out of its intense focus and just relax and do something fun.

How to get over a break up

1. Know that it is okay to cry.
2. When you're feeling constructive, examine what had happened, and ask yourself why. Consider that this situation is probably not entirely your fault - or maybe it's not your fault at all. Thinking about the reasons why it ended can make it much clearer to you that it takes two people to start a relationship, but just one discordant person is enough to end it. It may also help you avoid many missteps in the future if you can identify areas where you contributed to the demise of the relationship.
3. Don't rethink your decision. If the breakup was your decision, keep in mind that only thinking about all the good times you had with your partner may cause you to forget the reasons why you broke it off. By the same token, try not to second-guess the situation if the decision to end things was not yours. It's very common to romanticize the good parts of the relationship, convincing yourself that maybe the bad parts weren't so bad after all, that maybe you could just live with them. Or that maybe if your ex would know just how you feel, he/she wouldn't want to break up after all. Don't play this game with yourself. Accept the situation and work on moving forward.
4. Keep your space. Even if you and your ex have decided to stay friends, break away completely from each other right after the breakup. This seriously means not seeing each other, not being around his/her family members, no phone calls, no e-mails, no text messages and no IMs - not necessarily as a permanent measure, but until you feel that you can converse with him/her on a purely platonic level, without an ulterior motive (and yes, wanting to get back together counts as an ulterior motive). If he/she tries to convince you to see him/her, ask yourself honestly what the point would be. If you're reliving the past by seeing him/her, it's not hard to get caught up in the moment and it will be harder to let go again. The longer you put off the end, the harder it is to stick to it and maintain your resolve, and the longer it will take to really get over it. Your pain will hold on as long as you do. Practice letting go. Let go. Let go. And now... let go. You may have to have some contact in order to deal with the practical aspects of things like moving out, signing papers, etc., but try to limit this to what's absolutely necessary, and then keep such calls/meetings short and civil.
5. Accept your pain. Have good long cries. It's okay to be hurt and sad, and it's okay to be alone. It's okay to feel like you have messed up - accepting responsibility for your mistakes or shortcomings is healthy. On the other hand, you must also accept that you are a good person, and that you did your best and you're not the only one who made mistakes. Of course, a stage of denial is completely natural, but acceptance is the key to being able to start moving on.
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   Think through everything thoroughly, but not obsessively. Go ahead and mull it over, as many times as necessary, within reason. Consider all the reasons you two broke up. Even if it sometimes seems as if there wasn't a good reason, there certainly was one - and probably more than one. Understand that you enjoyed being together for a while, but if the relationship was not what both you and your partner wanted for life, it would have ended eventually, no matter what. In this case, better sooner than later.
7. Deal with the 'hate phase'. This is when you want to just scream because your rage feels boundless. The amount of anger you feel depends on how antagonistic the split was, the circumstances (was there infidelity? That makes it worse), and how long it took to make the final break. You may resent your ex for wasting your time. You may realize that the breakup was inevitable (hindsight will reveal clues you failed to notice at the time). You may even feel a lot of anger towards yourself, but let go of that feeling fast! It's a waste of time and energy to rip yourself apart over something you no longer have the power to change. There are so many positive things you can do with your emotions and energy.
8. Talk to your friends. You want people around you who love you and who will help you feel good about yourself. Surrounding yourself with compassionate, supportive friends and family will help you see yourself as a worthwhile person, and you'll find it easier to get steady on your feet again with your loved ones around you in a comforting net. But be wary of friends trying to connect you with another person right now, this is not what you need.
9. Write all your feelings down. Write in a journal or try writing poems. The most important thing is to be absolutely honest and don't edit yourself as you go. One of the best results of writing it all down is that sometimes you will be amazed by a sudden insight that comes to you as you are pouring it all out onto paper. Patterns may become clearer, and as your grieving begins to lessen, you will find it so much easier to "get" valuable life lessons from the whole experience if you've been writing your way through it. No relationship is ever a failure if you manage to learn something about yourself from having gone through it all with your heart open to both joy and pain. Just because it didn't work out doesn't mean it wasn't a necessary part of your journey to becoming who you're meant to be. Allow at least the learning part to enrich your life.
10. Make a list to keep you honest. One of the best tricks to help you stick to your resolve is to make a list of all the reasons your ex was not the one for you. Be ruthless and clear -- this is not the time to be forgiving. What you're doing is creating a picture for yourself that will call up an emotional response when you feel tempted to think that "maybe if you just did this or that, it would work out..." Write down what happened and how it made you feel, being clear about the things you never want to feel again. ["1. She always put me down in front of her parents and I felt humiliated. 2. I don't want to go to parties with him because he's always hitting on my friends -- it makes me feel physically sick! 3. When I ask her to help with the housework, she says she's exhausted from sitting at her desk all day, even though I've been driving that cab all day and I end up doing all the cleaning by myself!"] And so on. When you find yourself missing your ex in a weak moment, and think you might actually be getting too close to the telephone, get out this list, read it over a couple times, and then talk to yourself, "This is the truth of what it was like. Why would I want to go back and torture myself again?" If you're caught in a low-self-esteem trap, thinking you don't deserve better, imagine this happening to a friend of yours, and think what you would say to your friend: "Get as far away as you can! That relationship was no good for you!"
11. Get organized! Clean up! A breakup can signify a new beginning. Therefore, cleaning and organizing your personal space will leave you feeling refreshed and prepared for the new things to come. A mess can be overwhelming and depressing, and will just add to your stress level. The added bonus is that keeping busy with tidying your space doesn't require a lot of brain power, but does require just enough focus to keep you from recycling pain. Occupying yourself with such tasks designed to make your life better and easier will also occupy your mind enough to help you through the residual pain.
12. Keep fond memories, discard painful ones. There are all kinds of things that remind you of your ex - a song, a smell, a sound, a place. Once the grieving period has had some time to process, don't dwell on painful feelings or memories. There are probably things that are pushing your buttons without your conscious recognition. Try walking around each room in your house with a box and removing things that make your heart ache or your stomach turn. Really focus and look carefully. You may realize that the little blue bird-shaped box sitting on the mantel has become pretty invisible for the last couple years, but when you take a conscious look at it, you notice that every time you turn towards that corner of the room and it catches your eye, you feel a sharp little pain in your solar plexus. It can work wonders to clear your space of all these triggers. If you have a keepsake, such as a watch or piece of jewelry that was given to you by your ex, and it's a reminder of the good aspects of your relationship, there's nothing wrong with keeping such a thing, but for the time being, try putting it away for later, when you've given yourself some time and space.
13. Find happiness in other areas of your life. (Remember: He/She is not responsible for your own happiness.) Whether that means spending time with your friends and family, signing up for that class you've always wanted to take, or reading every book on the New York Times bestseller list, remind yourself that a relationship is one part of life, but even when you are in one, there are personal pleasures that you can always enjoy on your own. Indulge in those things now. As they say, the best revenge is living well.
14. Stay active. It's scientifically proven that exercise improves your mood and alleviates depression, and the distraction will help keep your mind off your situation. Go running outside, visit (or join) the gym, or just go for a walk, maybe with a friend, and think of releasing the anger or sadness with every step.
15. Let go. Understand that there is no benefit in holding on to heartache, regret, and hatred toward another person. Realize that although it is over, your relationship with that person was unique and special in a lot of ways. You can congratulate yourself for being brave enough to take a risk and fall in love, and encourage your heart that even though love didn't work out this time, there will be a next time.
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    Take time. Find a place where you feel comfortable, relaxed, and which is far away from your ex. Take a moment to listen, and to be alone or with someone you trust. Remind yourself that, even worse than the pain of a breakup, is continuing a relationship that was not right for one or both of you.
17. Think positively. Now that you are single, you have another opportunity to find someone else to be with, someone new and different. You won't feel bad forever. Change your thinking; that will help change your behavior. Soon enough you'll be feeling released and free, and ready to take on new challenges. Make sure that in every endeavor you remember to be true to yourself.