- Work out. Nothing relieves stress like a good work out at the gym, or even a run around your neighborhood. Pop in your IPod and have at it. You will get in shape, and feel better about yourself.
- Watch your favorite movie or TV show. If you’re watching a program you really enjoy, you won’t be thinking about things that make you sad. Pull out an old comedy, or watch re-runs of your favorite TV show and keep your mind off everything.
- Play with your pet. Pets never let you down! Cuddle with your dog, play with your cat, or even talk to your fish. Pets are there for you no matter what- they are your best friend and love you regardless.
- Hang out with friends. They can make you laugh and help you have fun, forgetting about why you’re sad. Go out to eat, grab drinks, watch movies, or even work out together.
- Clean. Clean your room, clean out your car, straighten up your house- cleaning is another stress reliever and it helps keep your space neat too! It also might trigger a creative side to redecorate or clean something else.
- Change Something. Whether it is a new hair style, rearranging your room or house, or signing up for some sort of class, changing something in your life can be for the better. It’s like starting a new You- and what a perfect time to do so.
- Plan for the future. You’re single and independent now, so plan ahead. Make some fun plans for the summer, pick out classes for the fall, or plan a trip for anytime. Set goals and deadlines for things you want to accomplish now that you aren’t tied down.
- Buy something new. Don’t go out and blow all your money because you are upset, but buying something small for yourself can help a lot. A cute shirt, a new CD, or a cool pair of shoes will help keep a smile on your face.
- Fix your favorite meal. Fix yourself or order something you love but don’t normally get to eat. Order Chinese, fix a steak, make some delicious pasta, or even get ice cream.
- Burn a new CD. Make a CD with all your favorite songs. Keep them upbeat and don’t put songs that will remind you of your ex on it- keep it to brand new songs or old songs that remind you of other people and fun times.
Tuesday, January 5, 2010
10 Things To Do Besides Cry After a Break Up
Breaking up can be hard to do. But instead of sitting around crying all day and night, try some of these ideas instead!
Things you'll need
You can do it without the following items, but they are highly recommended for the most rewarding (yes, really!) experience possible:
- A few shoulders to cry on. It really does help to talk about it, preferably to more than just one person (if only to give your best friend some relief).
- A Teddy Bear (for hugs and to talk to at 4am when everyone else is asleep.) That is, unless, your ex is named Ted. Dogs and cats will do, too, although pets may not always give you quite that loving sympathetic gaze and undivided attention that teddy bears are so good at. (But avoid the stuffed animals/gifts your ex gave you)
- Hot showers (As much as you may not even want to get out of bed, much less get in the shower - *sniffle* "who cares if I wash my hair now, anyway?" - you will feel better after a shower, or a nice long soak in the tub. Hot water relaxes tense muscles, soothes anxiety and refreshes puffy eyes and swollen, tear-stained faces.
- Paper and pens (a journal is perfect, paints and glue and other illustration tools, even better!)
- Funny movies and absorbing novels can be a great temporary respite and laughter can really lighten your mood.
- Healthy snacks! If you're one of the millions who try to fill that hollow sad feeling through your mouth (which doesn't work because food isn't what you're missing), fill the fridge with celery sticks and other light snacks that you won't regret later if you're nibbling nervously. (On the other hand, don't forget to eat! Heartbreak can often rob you of your appetite, but be sure not to to punish yourself and remember to think about your health, as you are the most important person now. Being ill from malnutrition won't help you be strong enough to move on. If you've lost your appetite, make sure you have the fridge stocked with relatively healthy food that you like, and make sure you eat enough to keep your energy up.)
- Your sense of humor and your knowledge that "this too shall pass".
- Lots of tissues.
- Self-love. Even if you aren't feeling so hot about yourself right now, look in the mirror and remind yourself of all the good things about you, and the fact that breaking up does not mean there is something wrong with you. Find things you like about yourself. If you're having trouble telling yourself good things, go out and commit a covert act of kindness towards a friend or stranger and savor the feeling of having such a sweet secret. And remember that lots of great people have failed relationships; the fact that your relationship failed says nothing about you as a person. it doesn't mean there is something wrong with you, it means there was something not working in the relationship.
- Friends and family can be a great support system - you may find that the people you're closest to will do anything and everything to help you heal and be happy again. However, sometimes this isn't the case. If you have unsupportive people in your life, you need to seek support elsewhere. Make meeting supportive new people who share your interests part of your new challenge! But whether it's friends or family, the point is to get out of your house and out of your own head and go spend time with other people. Even if that feels like the last thing you want to do, it's important that you don't just barricade yourself at home and go through this by yourself. Once you establish that pattern, it gets harder and harder to break out of it. Make room for your friends and let them help you through this.
- The realization that great guys/girls DO exist, this is not the last person you will ever love, and that one day you'll find the one for you that you'll go the distance with. If you found it once, you can find it again. Promise.
- Something to get your mind off of that certain guy or girl. Maybe just hanging out with good friends or going shopping for something that you really want. You might be surprised by how much better you feel once you take your mind out of its intense focus and just relax and do something fun.
How to get over a break up
- Know that it is okay to cry.
- When you're feeling constructive, examine what had happened, and ask yourself why. Consider that this situation is probably not entirely your fault - or maybe it's not your fault at all. Thinking about the reasons why it ended can make it much clearer to you that it takes two people to start a relationship, but just one discordant person is enough to end it. It may also help you avoid many missteps in the future if you can identify areas where you contributed to the demise of the relationship.
- Don't rethink your decision. If the breakup was your decision, keep in mind that only thinking about all the good times you had with your partner may cause you to forget the reasons why you broke it off. By the same token, try not to second-guess the situation if the decision to end things was not yours. It's very common to romanticize the good parts of the relationship, convincing yourself that maybe the bad parts weren't so bad after all, that maybe you could just live with them. Or that maybe if your ex would know just how you feel, he/she wouldn't want to break up after all. Don't play this game with yourself. Accept the situation and work on moving forward.
- Keep your space. Even if you and your ex have decided to stay friends, break away completely from each other right after the breakup. This seriously means not seeing each other, not being around his/her family members, no phone calls, no e-mails, no text messages and no IMs - not necessarily as a permanent measure, but until you feel that you can converse with him/her on a purely platonic level, without an ulterior motive (and yes, wanting to get back together counts as an ulterior motive). If he/she tries to convince you to see him/her, ask yourself honestly what the point would be. If you're reliving the past by seeing him/her, it's not hard to get caught up in the moment and it will be harder to let go again. The longer you put off the end, the harder it is to stick to it and maintain your resolve, and the longer it will take to really get over it. Your pain will hold on as long as you do. Practice letting go. Let go. Let go. And now... let go. You may have to have some contact in order to deal with the practical aspects of things like moving out, signing papers, etc., but try to limit this to what's absolutely necessary, and then keep such calls/meetings short and civil.
- Accept your pain. Have good long cries. It's okay to be hurt and sad, and it's okay to be alone. It's okay to feel like you have messed up - accepting responsibility for your mistakes or shortcomings is healthy. On the other hand, you must also accept that you are a good person, and that you did your best and you're not the only one who made mistakes. Of course, a stage of denial is completely natural, but acceptance is the key to being able to start moving on.
- 6Think through everything thoroughly, but not obsessively. Go ahead and mull it over, as many times as necessary, within reason. Consider all the reasons you two broke up. Even if it sometimes seems as if there wasn't a good reason, there certainly was one - and probably more than one. Understand that you enjoyed being together for a while, but if the relationship was not what both you and your partner wanted for life, it would have ended eventually, no matter what. In this case, better sooner than later.
- Deal with the 'hate phase'. This is when you want to just scream because your rage feels boundless. The amount of anger you feel depends on how antagonistic the split was, the circumstances (was there infidelity? That makes it worse), and how long it took to make the final break. You may resent your ex for wasting your time. You may realize that the breakup was inevitable (hindsight will reveal clues you failed to notice at the time). You may even feel a lot of anger towards yourself, but let go of that feeling fast! It's a waste of time and energy to rip yourself apart over something you no longer have the power to change. There are so many positive things you can do with your emotions and energy.
- Talk to your friends. You want people around you who love you and who will help you feel good about yourself. Surrounding yourself with compassionate, supportive friends and family will help you see yourself as a worthwhile person, and you'll find it easier to get steady on your feet again with your loved ones around you in a comforting net. But be wary of friends trying to connect you with another person right now, this is not what you need.
- Write all your feelings down. Write in a journal or try writing poems. The most important thing is to be absolutely honest and don't edit yourself as you go. One of the best results of writing it all down is that sometimes you will be amazed by a sudden insight that comes to you as you are pouring it all out onto paper. Patterns may become clearer, and as your grieving begins to lessen, you will find it so much easier to "get" valuable life lessons from the whole experience if you've been writing your way through it. No relationship is ever a failure if you manage to learn something about yourself from having gone through it all with your heart open to both joy and pain. Just because it didn't work out doesn't mean it wasn't a necessary part of your journey to becoming who you're meant to be. Allow at least the learning part to enrich your life.
- Make a list to keep you honest. One of the best tricks to help you stick to your resolve is to make a list of all the reasons your ex was not the one for you. Be ruthless and clear -- this is not the time to be forgiving. What you're doing is creating a picture for yourself that will call up an emotional response when you feel tempted to think that "maybe if you just did this or that, it would work out..." Write down what happened and how it made you feel, being clear about the things you never want to feel again. ["1. She always put me down in front of her parents and I felt humiliated. 2. I don't want to go to parties with him because he's always hitting on my friends -- it makes me feel physically sick! 3. When I ask her to help with the housework, she says she's exhausted from sitting at her desk all day, even though I've been driving that cab all day and I end up doing all the cleaning by myself!"] And so on. When you find yourself missing your ex in a weak moment, and think you might actually be getting too close to the telephone, get out this list, read it over a couple times, and then talk to yourself, "This is the truth of what it was like. Why would I want to go back and torture myself again?" If you're caught in a low-self-esteem trap, thinking you don't deserve better, imagine this happening to a friend of yours, and think what you would say to your friend: "Get as far away as you can! That relationship was no good for you!"
- Get organized! Clean up! A breakup can signify a new beginning. Therefore, cleaning and organizing your personal space will leave you feeling refreshed and prepared for the new things to come. A mess can be overwhelming and depressing, and will just add to your stress level. The added bonus is that keeping busy with tidying your space doesn't require a lot of brain power, but does require just enough focus to keep you from recycling pain. Occupying yourself with such tasks designed to make your life better and easier will also occupy your mind enough to help you through the residual pain.
- Keep fond memories, discard painful ones. There are all kinds of things that remind you of your ex - a song, a smell, a sound, a place. Once the grieving period has had some time to process, don't dwell on painful feelings or memories. There are probably things that are pushing your buttons without your conscious recognition. Try walking around each room in your house with a box and removing things that make your heart ache or your stomach turn. Really focus and look carefully. You may realize that the little blue bird-shaped box sitting on the mantel has become pretty invisible for the last couple years, but when you take a conscious look at it, you notice that every time you turn towards that corner of the room and it catches your eye, you feel a sharp little pain in your solar plexus. It can work wonders to clear your space of all these triggers. If you have a keepsake, such as a watch or piece of jewelry that was given to you by your ex, and it's a reminder of the good aspects of your relationship, there's nothing wrong with keeping such a thing, but for the time being, try putting it away for later, when you've given yourself some time and space.
- Find happiness in other areas of your life. (Remember: He/She is not responsible for your own happiness.) Whether that means spending time with your friends and family, signing up for that class you've always wanted to take, or reading every book on the New York Times bestseller list, remind yourself that a relationship is one part of life, but even when you are in one, there are personal pleasures that you can always enjoy on your own. Indulge in those things now. As they say, the best revenge is living well.
- Stay active. It's scientifically proven that exercise improves your mood and alleviates depression, and the distraction will help keep your mind off your situation. Go running outside, visit (or join) the gym, or just go for a walk, maybe with a friend, and think of releasing the anger or sadness with every step.
- Let go. Understand that there is no benefit in holding on to heartache, regret, and hatred toward another person. Realize that although it is over, your relationship with that person was unique and special in a lot of ways. You can congratulate yourself for being brave enough to take a risk and fall in love, and encourage your heart that even though love didn't work out this time, there will be a next time.
- 16Take time. Find a place where you feel comfortable, relaxed, and which is far away from your ex. Take a moment to listen, and to be alone or with someone you trust. Remind yourself that, even worse than the pain of a breakup, is continuing a relationship that was not right for one or both of you.
- Think positively. Now that you are single, you have another opportunity to find someone else to be with, someone new and different. You won't feel bad forever. Change your thinking; that will help change your behavior. Soon enough you'll be feeling released and free, and ready to take on new challenges. Make sure that in every endeavor you remember to be true to yourself.
Saturday, December 26, 2009
Forums
//Generally speaking it means that he still wants to have sex with you without the commitment. If he wants space give him space. Doesn't mean you can't be happy to see him or enjoy his company, but do not give him the benefits that come with a relationship if he's not willing to be in one (ie: sex, financial support or co-habitation).
I would say act like you're dating, but not dating exclusively him. Make plans with your friends, don't be quite so available, be open to meeting other people, and just in general start moving on and see how he feels about that. If you just hang around, put your life on hold and come running to every booty call, then all you teach him is that you are desperate and will put up with whatever terms he wants to dictate and he learns how far he can push you. This may not be his concious thought process, but your actions will determine what he learns about your limits and your tolerance for his behavior. In short maintain your self-respect and don't allow him to push your boundaries for fear that you might lose him. Best wishes!
//if you find it very hard to give him space, try to pretend he is out of town or somehow unreachable. when someone wants space, or time alone, it is not necessarily a reflection of your behavior or how he feels about you. it may be he needs to assess himself and his needs as an individual and it is hard to do so while involved in a serious relationship. just as there may be a time for you to "need space" to regroup as a person rather than as a partner or lover or girlfriend or daughter or mother or whatever, others may need time away from their regular daily activities to get a better idea of what they want to accomplish with their life.
//im 17 and have been with my boyfriend for a year and a half. it started out perfect, he was crazy about me and i was everything to him. we used to see each other once a week out of dance lessons, but speak loads and also see each other in dance lessons. we got closer and closer and started spending a little more time together.
i soon realized i was madly in love with him. we'd never argued in that whole time, hes gorgeous and always treated me perfectly and told me he loved me. he came on holiday with me and my parents to spain after 10 months of being together, and he confessed that he thought i was the 'one' for him and he never wanted to lose me and wanted me to be his forever. by this point we'd never done anything remotly sexual except kiss. so i knew that was not all he wanted. i fell more in love with him and said i felt the same.
in the september we started fooling around sexually and that brought us closer and made us want each other even more. everything was still amazing. but when he started college things changed a little. he got this friend, a girl, who at first i hated and suspected something was going on because of the amount of time they spent together, and this caused me and him arguments and i always got upset. he had a go at me and told me he would never see her like that they are friends and if he liked her he wouldnt be with me. i trust him and believe him even still. but then problems started to grow. i began to get upset if he cancelled his plans on me and id be nasty to him, because i wasnt used to it and wanted him. this made him really angry and caused more arguments.
one night he went out with this girl mate of his and because i was upset he'd cancelled on me and was nasty again, he text me saying 'were finished' after a long hard cry, a million texts and fonecalls he admitted its not what he really wanted and that he did want to be with me, he just had a moment. so we were still together. in the january we finally slept together. no matter the tiny little problems we were having we were still in love and this made us even closer and he whispered to me 'id only do this because i love you'... we started spending more time together, stay in eachothers about 2 times a week and see each other randomly other days. i still started getting annoyed if he cancelled or upset if he went on and on about this other friend of his. this still made him really annoyed with me. he's still said only a few weeks ago that he wants me forever and doesnt want me to leave him, we've promised each other that.
but about two weeks ago he started asking me for some space. because of my moods and because he thought we were spending too much time together, he just said i need a little space. 'dont finish me' i said and he said 'im not baby i just need a little bit of space'.. so i let him have that and for the next few days i didnt call him or text him as much as i normally would, i left him to be with his friends and didnt mention anything about coming round or anything. then on the monday of last week he asked me to come round tuesday.. ahaa great he's chasing after me! i thought. and he was staying in mine on the wednesday aswel. tuesday night was great we didnt argue and had a fun night in.
wednesday was a different story though. he had just got a new phone and wouldnt put it down and kept texting and wasnt speaking to me, this annoyed me because he was in my house and wasnt saying a word. so i asked him to leave it alone and he got irritated. he then put it down and went all silent and was just staring at the wall. i asked him what was up and he said nothing, im just thinking. and i said about what? and he said us. i instantly started crying because i thought he was going to finish me. n said baby please dont and he said dont what and i said end this and he said im not im not.. i just dont think its working. i couldnt stop crying and i said it is working and he said 'maybe for you but not me. like i feel like im trapped down in a relationship and cant breath because you always make me be with you and if i cant you get upset or moody and i cant take it.' and i said im sorry and that id change that and he said he needed more space. he said a part of him thinks he should move on but he said he cant because he loves me so much and he is part of my family and so close to me. he also said if anything did happen that he'd never want me out his life, we'd still be best friends and he'd still come round and stuff but i simply cant do that because id want him more than a friend.
i was just crying and crying. he was being lovely about it and telling me not to cry, wiping the tears away and cuddling me but i just couldnt stop. he said 'just give me a week then, thursday to thursday lets not do anything outside dance'. so i said ok.. so were not together for a week? and he said no i dont want to be with anyone else were still together i just dont think we should spend this time together this week. so i agreed and said itl hurt me and he said hurting me was the last thing he wanted. i said id give him as much time as he needed but that i didnt think it was worth splitting up for, i just think we should spend less time togther like we used to when we were happy. and he agreed with me. i said do you still love me and he said of course i do and kissed me.
we kissed quite a lot that night. didnt have sex but we were happy toether and he said he felt better already. we were cuddling a lot and fell asleep happy. when he was leaving my house the next day i began to cry again saying i was worried and he jus took my head in his hands and said dont worry i love you ok? and i nodded and he said its only a week. that night i was so upset because i was scared he wouldnt want me at the end of the week.its only two days later and i'm still crying a lot.
today in dance he was annoyed at me because i didnt like his new haircut, i made a silly joke which he laughed at at first and then he turned it into something it wasnt. at times he was okay with me but others he was off with me. i dont get it as he was being so lovely about it on the wednesday night.he said he wants me to just leave him alone for a week, still text/ring him but dont speak about the break. i cant help it though because i just want to tell him i want to get through this and i'm sorry for annoying him and everythin but i dont want to drive him away.
my friends have told me not to worry and think it will be okay and that we will still be togther after this week because he's still saying he loves me but i cant help but think negative. i actually cannot see my life without him its been so long and its amazing. he makes me the happiest person in the world, i miss him all the time and truely think we still have something incredable. iv never been so close to anyone before and the thought of losing him makes me want to die. im in love with him i really am, i cannot function without him.
im starting to get ill though. i cant eat properly and feel sick when i get upset over him which is most of the time. i just want to be with him and am petrefied he is going to break up with me next thursday. i cant let him go i'm too in love.i try to not text him or ring him as much but i cant help it sometimes because i dont want him to forget how it is to have me there telling him i love him and stuff.
if there is anyone who could give me some advice on how to keep us together and to make me happier please help. i cant do anything anymore i have lost interest in a lot of things because i cant stop thinking and worrying over him. hes my baby and i really cant let him go. please help
//Okay...let me tell you first of all that I am an old lady...I am 44 and that is most likely ancient to you. But I do remember being 17 and feeling what you are feeling. Can I tell you now that you will feel this many times over?
You are giving your boyfriend a whole lot of power and control over you that he probably does not want. There is some stupid saying about holding sand...if you squeeze too tightly...the sand leaves your hand. But if you hold it gently, you can keep holding onto it.
When you say things like that you can't let go or you couldn't handle if he broke up with you...I worry.
Do not let this experience make you feel sick or depressed.
I am going to suggest things you may not want to do but...you have to find focus in other things outside of this young man. He will enjoy you more if you are not so focused upon him each and every moment.
Let him come to you. You must be prepared that he may choose to go. Allow him that option and I bet he will come to you. If not...it is better that you know now and can move on.
You have so much life ahead. He may be the one or he may be teaching you things for your future. Remember this time...it goes so very fast.
//I'm in the same position as you. However I'm 16 and he's 18. It's down to fine details though and I know how hard this for you.
You can't bare to be alone can you.. The thought of sitting there without him kills you.. You want to spend every minute of the day with him, telling him you love him more than anything every few minutes. Being in his arms is the only comfort you seem to find.. The thought of being without him.. makes you feel like your not whole.
When he tells you he needs space... you go almost over the top.. begging desperately.. and looking a little bit scary to him.. making him want to leave even more.
One thing you have to remember is that he loves you.
I know how scary it is when someone that means alot to you has a friendship with someone else! I know how jealous you get! I also know that it eats you up all of the time. How dare she be with him! He means the world to you. How dare she get the privelege of his presence. You know how amazing he is don't you, the things noone else notices, I know you do.
I know.. I feel the same, what you've said made me cry to be honest.
All I can say is.
Absense makes the heart grow fonder :P
I mean, I know it's said alot but it's so true.
You want to know why everything was AMAZINGGG before you spent so much time together..
because you had to WAIT for it.. and so when you were together... you made the most of every single minute.
Waiting for the first cuddle and kiss, was hard.. but when you got it .. it was great.
My advice to you is just that when he talks about the girl.. bite your tongue.
Seriously. Unless he cheats or gives reason not to trust him, let him talk!!
Think about it rationally.. Your close to him! He is going to tell you stuff.
You should be more worried if he ain't telling you nothing.
He's been with you this long. You have a bond and it scares you that it could break.
Even though it looks as if this situation is down to him.. It's up to you.
Don't text him or call him. Let him contact you.
When he does. Tell him your going out.. To have a girly night, just go enjoy your time!!
If he see's you smiling your jobs almost done.
He loves you! All he wants is to see you happy.
From his point of view he's scared too. He feels like nothing he can do can make you happy.. which would worry someone who tries really hard. Space is what he thinks YOU need. Not him.
Prove to him that your ready to get back on track, keep smiling and be positive.
You might not be together. But you love eachother. That's more special that anything he'll 'have' with that girl.
Good luck. I'll save the page and if you message back, I will too.
I would say act like you're dating, but not dating exclusively him. Make plans with your friends, don't be quite so available, be open to meeting other people, and just in general start moving on and see how he feels about that. If you just hang around, put your life on hold and come running to every booty call, then all you teach him is that you are desperate and will put up with whatever terms he wants to dictate and he learns how far he can push you. This may not be his concious thought process, but your actions will determine what he learns about your limits and your tolerance for his behavior. In short maintain your self-respect and don't allow him to push your boundaries for fear that you might lose him. Best wishes!
//if you find it very hard to give him space, try to pretend he is out of town or somehow unreachable. when someone wants space, or time alone, it is not necessarily a reflection of your behavior or how he feels about you. it may be he needs to assess himself and his needs as an individual and it is hard to do so while involved in a serious relationship. just as there may be a time for you to "need space" to regroup as a person rather than as a partner or lover or girlfriend or daughter or mother or whatever, others may need time away from their regular daily activities to get a better idea of what they want to accomplish with their life.
//im 17 and have been with my boyfriend for a year and a half. it started out perfect, he was crazy about me and i was everything to him. we used to see each other once a week out of dance lessons, but speak loads and also see each other in dance lessons. we got closer and closer and started spending a little more time together.
i soon realized i was madly in love with him. we'd never argued in that whole time, hes gorgeous and always treated me perfectly and told me he loved me. he came on holiday with me and my parents to spain after 10 months of being together, and he confessed that he thought i was the 'one' for him and he never wanted to lose me and wanted me to be his forever. by this point we'd never done anything remotly sexual except kiss. so i knew that was not all he wanted. i fell more in love with him and said i felt the same.
in the september we started fooling around sexually and that brought us closer and made us want each other even more. everything was still amazing. but when he started college things changed a little. he got this friend, a girl, who at first i hated and suspected something was going on because of the amount of time they spent together, and this caused me and him arguments and i always got upset. he had a go at me and told me he would never see her like that they are friends and if he liked her he wouldnt be with me. i trust him and believe him even still. but then problems started to grow. i began to get upset if he cancelled his plans on me and id be nasty to him, because i wasnt used to it and wanted him. this made him really angry and caused more arguments.
one night he went out with this girl mate of his and because i was upset he'd cancelled on me and was nasty again, he text me saying 'were finished' after a long hard cry, a million texts and fonecalls he admitted its not what he really wanted and that he did want to be with me, he just had a moment. so we were still together. in the january we finally slept together. no matter the tiny little problems we were having we were still in love and this made us even closer and he whispered to me 'id only do this because i love you'... we started spending more time together, stay in eachothers about 2 times a week and see each other randomly other days. i still started getting annoyed if he cancelled or upset if he went on and on about this other friend of his. this still made him really annoyed with me. he's still said only a few weeks ago that he wants me forever and doesnt want me to leave him, we've promised each other that.
but about two weeks ago he started asking me for some space. because of my moods and because he thought we were spending too much time together, he just said i need a little space. 'dont finish me' i said and he said 'im not baby i just need a little bit of space'.. so i let him have that and for the next few days i didnt call him or text him as much as i normally would, i left him to be with his friends and didnt mention anything about coming round or anything. then on the monday of last week he asked me to come round tuesday.. ahaa great he's chasing after me! i thought. and he was staying in mine on the wednesday aswel. tuesday night was great we didnt argue and had a fun night in.
wednesday was a different story though. he had just got a new phone and wouldnt put it down and kept texting and wasnt speaking to me, this annoyed me because he was in my house and wasnt saying a word. so i asked him to leave it alone and he got irritated. he then put it down and went all silent and was just staring at the wall. i asked him what was up and he said nothing, im just thinking. and i said about what? and he said us. i instantly started crying because i thought he was going to finish me. n said baby please dont and he said dont what and i said end this and he said im not im not.. i just dont think its working. i couldnt stop crying and i said it is working and he said 'maybe for you but not me. like i feel like im trapped down in a relationship and cant breath because you always make me be with you and if i cant you get upset or moody and i cant take it.' and i said im sorry and that id change that and he said he needed more space. he said a part of him thinks he should move on but he said he cant because he loves me so much and he is part of my family and so close to me. he also said if anything did happen that he'd never want me out his life, we'd still be best friends and he'd still come round and stuff but i simply cant do that because id want him more than a friend.
i was just crying and crying. he was being lovely about it and telling me not to cry, wiping the tears away and cuddling me but i just couldnt stop. he said 'just give me a week then, thursday to thursday lets not do anything outside dance'. so i said ok.. so were not together for a week? and he said no i dont want to be with anyone else were still together i just dont think we should spend this time together this week. so i agreed and said itl hurt me and he said hurting me was the last thing he wanted. i said id give him as much time as he needed but that i didnt think it was worth splitting up for, i just think we should spend less time togther like we used to when we were happy. and he agreed with me. i said do you still love me and he said of course i do and kissed me.
we kissed quite a lot that night. didnt have sex but we were happy toether and he said he felt better already. we were cuddling a lot and fell asleep happy. when he was leaving my house the next day i began to cry again saying i was worried and he jus took my head in his hands and said dont worry i love you ok? and i nodded and he said its only a week. that night i was so upset because i was scared he wouldnt want me at the end of the week.its only two days later and i'm still crying a lot.
today in dance he was annoyed at me because i didnt like his new haircut, i made a silly joke which he laughed at at first and then he turned it into something it wasnt. at times he was okay with me but others he was off with me. i dont get it as he was being so lovely about it on the wednesday night.he said he wants me to just leave him alone for a week, still text/ring him but dont speak about the break. i cant help it though because i just want to tell him i want to get through this and i'm sorry for annoying him and everythin but i dont want to drive him away.
my friends have told me not to worry and think it will be okay and that we will still be togther after this week because he's still saying he loves me but i cant help but think negative. i actually cannot see my life without him its been so long and its amazing. he makes me the happiest person in the world, i miss him all the time and truely think we still have something incredable. iv never been so close to anyone before and the thought of losing him makes me want to die. im in love with him i really am, i cannot function without him.
im starting to get ill though. i cant eat properly and feel sick when i get upset over him which is most of the time. i just want to be with him and am petrefied he is going to break up with me next thursday. i cant let him go i'm too in love.i try to not text him or ring him as much but i cant help it sometimes because i dont want him to forget how it is to have me there telling him i love him and stuff.
if there is anyone who could give me some advice on how to keep us together and to make me happier please help. i cant do anything anymore i have lost interest in a lot of things because i cant stop thinking and worrying over him. hes my baby and i really cant let him go. please help
//Okay...let me tell you first of all that I am an old lady...I am 44 and that is most likely ancient to you. But I do remember being 17 and feeling what you are feeling. Can I tell you now that you will feel this many times over?
You are giving your boyfriend a whole lot of power and control over you that he probably does not want. There is some stupid saying about holding sand...if you squeeze too tightly...the sand leaves your hand. But if you hold it gently, you can keep holding onto it.
When you say things like that you can't let go or you couldn't handle if he broke up with you...I worry.
Do not let this experience make you feel sick or depressed.
I am going to suggest things you may not want to do but...you have to find focus in other things outside of this young man. He will enjoy you more if you are not so focused upon him each and every moment.
Let him come to you. You must be prepared that he may choose to go. Allow him that option and I bet he will come to you. If not...it is better that you know now and can move on.
You have so much life ahead. He may be the one or he may be teaching you things for your future. Remember this time...it goes so very fast.
//I'm in the same position as you. However I'm 16 and he's 18. It's down to fine details though and I know how hard this for you.
You can't bare to be alone can you.. The thought of sitting there without him kills you.. You want to spend every minute of the day with him, telling him you love him more than anything every few minutes. Being in his arms is the only comfort you seem to find.. The thought of being without him.. makes you feel like your not whole.
When he tells you he needs space... you go almost over the top.. begging desperately.. and looking a little bit scary to him.. making him want to leave even more.
One thing you have to remember is that he loves you.
I know how scary it is when someone that means alot to you has a friendship with someone else! I know how jealous you get! I also know that it eats you up all of the time. How dare she be with him! He means the world to you. How dare she get the privelege of his presence. You know how amazing he is don't you, the things noone else notices, I know you do.
I know.. I feel the same, what you've said made me cry to be honest.
All I can say is.
Absense makes the heart grow fonder :P
I mean, I know it's said alot but it's so true.
You want to know why everything was AMAZINGGG before you spent so much time together..
because you had to WAIT for it.. and so when you were together... you made the most of every single minute.
Waiting for the first cuddle and kiss, was hard.. but when you got it .. it was great.
My advice to you is just that when he talks about the girl.. bite your tongue.
Seriously. Unless he cheats or gives reason not to trust him, let him talk!!
Think about it rationally.. Your close to him! He is going to tell you stuff.
You should be more worried if he ain't telling you nothing.
He's been with you this long. You have a bond and it scares you that it could break.
Even though it looks as if this situation is down to him.. It's up to you.
Don't text him or call him. Let him contact you.
When he does. Tell him your going out.. To have a girly night, just go enjoy your time!!
If he see's you smiling your jobs almost done.
He loves you! All he wants is to see you happy.
From his point of view he's scared too. He feels like nothing he can do can make you happy.. which would worry someone who tries really hard. Space is what he thinks YOU need. Not him.
Prove to him that your ready to get back on track, keep smiling and be positive.
You might not be together. But you love eachother. That's more special that anything he'll 'have' with that girl.
Good luck. I'll save the page and if you message back, I will too.
Your Boyfriend Says He Needs Space - What You Should and Shouldn't Do If You Want to Keep Him
What's the first thing that happens when your boyfriend says he needs space? If you're anything like me and millions of other women they has happened to, you go into panic mode. You immediately start crying and you try whatever you can think of to make him change his mind. This may include becoming hysterical, yelling and begging him to reconsider. Chances are if you do any of these things, he's still going to leave and he may never come back. If you truly want him back, you've got to get a plan in place to make that happen and you've got to place your emotions aside in order to really be successful.
The one thing you absolutely must do if your boyfriend says he needs space is accept it, for now at least. You've got to show him that you're mature enough to accept change and that you respect him enough to give him what he wants. What you shouldn't do is to try and convince him that he's making the biggest mistake of his life. If you do that he's only going to resist any desire he may have to get back together with you because he won't want to prove you right. Just try and put a smile on your face, for the time being, and tell him that you understand that he needs time. A good way to set things in motion for a future reunion between you two is to tell him that you've been thinking about a break too. This may seem cruel but it actually will work to your advantage since men can't stand rejection.
The next thing you absolutely must do if your boyfriend says he needs space is to follow through with giving him that space. Stop talking to him for at least a few weeks. This means no contact at all. Don't fall into a pit of despair thinking that he's going to meet someone, fall in love with them and marry them within that time frame. He's not. He is going to start to miss you though. He's going to start thinking about all the good times you two shared and he's going to wonder why you aren't trying to chase him and get him back. It will make him start to wonder whether he's losing you for good. It's that wonder that is going to bring him right back to you.
Getting your ex boyfriend back is possible. If you are tired of worrying about a future without him and if you are at a loss about what to do to get him back, there is help. Every move you make and everything you say to him after your break up will either get you a second chance or will ensure he's gone for good. Why risk making a mistake that may cost you a future with the man you love most in the world?
There are proven techniques for getting your ex boyfriend back now. To learn step-by step what you need to do to get your man back. You'll even learn the exact words you need to be saying to him to win his heart back now. This helped me not only get back the man I adore, but it made our relationship stronger than ever. Please don't leave this to fate or chance. If you love him, don't let him get away.
What to do if your boyfriend needs time?
The one thing that many women dread hearing when they are in a relationship is that their boyfriend needs time. When a man says he needs time or space most women instantly see a break up in their future. This isn't always the case, and how a woman reacts to hearing her boyfriend say this can determine the entire outcome of their future together.
The phrase itself has become synonymous with men who want to end their relationships without really addressing the reason. Instead of telling their girlfriend why they no longer care for them, they simply suggest they need time to think or space to sort out their feelings. This is actually the case quite often and as long as a woman understands the steps she should be taking if she's in this situation, she may actually be able to lure him back into more serious commitment than they had before.
First instinct of some women is to burst into tears and beg him to stay. This will do more harm than good if your boyfriend needs time. Instead you have to try and hold back the tears until you are alone and tell him that you agree. Most men have readied themselves for an argument and will be slightly stunned to hear that the woman they've been seeing is in agreement about a separation.
You also must temporarily forget his cell phone number and email address. You'll have the urge to write to him and to pour out your feelings all in an effort to make him see the mistake he's making. Don't do this. Instead make a promise to yourself that you won't initiate any contact with him for at least a couple of weeks. Take it day-by-day. Keep yourself busy by completely focusing on your own life. The time will seem to move slowly but this is an important step in winning him back. Don't falter on this. Remain true to your promise to yourself.
When you do hear from him, don't be too eager to meet up. Let him ask a couple of time first and then when you do talk, allow him to fully express what he's been feeling. In many cases, the time apart will have left an empty spot in his life that can only be filled by you.
There are other conscious steps that every woman needs to take if she wants to get her ex boyfriend back. Doing the wrong thing can mean the end of the relationship forever.
Don't give up on him if you believe he's the man you are meant to be with. There are specific methods you can use that will make you irresistible to him again.
Saturday, December 12, 2009
How To Not Care What People Think
- Understand that the less you care what people think of you, the more they will like you. Why? Because no matter how much pressure there seems to be to become "normal", people like personality. People like other people that have something different about them. Personality means having something that sets you apart from other people. Quiet, dreary, "normal" people have a hard time making friends because, well, they're normal. There's nothing that sets them apart, and nothing that grabs peoples' attention. So, developing yourself and your personality gives people a reason to talk to you.
- Learn to accept yourself for who you are and what you look like. That's the most important thing!
- Think about why others might be judging you. What must their lives be like? Are they envious of you or even attracted to you? They might just have taken a dislike to you. Never mind these people - get them completely out of your life.
- Take a good look at yourself in the mirror and say this aloud: "I am (me). I love myself, accept myself and those who judge my exterior will find it harder to know my interior".
- Smile at those who judge you, if you feel like smiling (but don't fake it). Don't smile broadly as it will look like you want them to know something they don't. Just give a care-free, relaxed, gentle smile - but that doesn't necessarily mean you have to look at them. If people see you happy about something they will gather that you have a lot going for you in your life. It's the little gestures like that mean a lot.
- Don't strive to become popular at school/work. If you don't care what people think about you, there's no reason why you should try to become popular.
- Observe the people that are measuring your actions - don't be afraid to look someone in the eye. Note how ridiculous what they are doing actually is - why are they acting like that? Realise that if you are "worthless" then they are as equally nugatory as well.
- 8Collect yourself. This world is for you, and it is for your neighbours as well, so make the best out of your experiences. Instead of pointing out the bad things about a situation, think and note the good things about it. "Look on the bright side" as they say.
- Do what you want to do. If you have a phone or Nintendo DS, play a game or write a message to someone. If you like to do crossword puzzles, do some. If you like to do Sudoku, go ahead!
- Don't be pretentious. Just because being carefree is ultimately necessary in a society of "robots", doesn't mean you have to overdo it "robot" style. For example, when you get the opportunity to make a friend, don't just blow them off because "you're a rebel and you don't care what they think".
- Keep a diary. Each time you're feeling down, write a journal entry about it. When you're feeling better you can look back at the entry and think, "How did this pain make me stronger?"
- Do not worry about how you walk or how you appear to others.
- Once again, DO NOT try to become popular. People can smell desperation from a mile away. If they think you're trying too hard, they may want to push you around for fun just to see how far you'll go. Remember, you don't want to become the popular crowds' little lap dog, licking their feet and begging to bring them their coffee so that you'll seem like you belong.
- Have faith in yourself If you lose faith in yourself, then why should anyone else have faith in you. Remember nobody can take your faith in yourself
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