How to Take Responsibility for Your Personal and Professional Life

The word responsibility often has a negative connotation, because when we were growing up the word was associated with doing something wrong. When our parents, teachers or guardians would say "Who's responsible for this?', it generally had to do with something that wasn't accomplished correctly or something that had just been broken. Either way, it left us with a bad feeling. But taking responsibility for what we do, has much more to do with how successful we will be and what we ultimately become. Here is how to work to turn the negativity, positive.

1. Step 1

   Accept the fact that you are in control of what you do. If you surround yourself with people who influence you to make poor choices, you surrounded yourself with those people. You can change that.

2. Step 2

   Set up daily, weekly, monthly goals and create a plan to achieve them. Ask for the help of others to achieve your goals from people who are genuinely are interested in your well being and success. The success doesn't have to be financial success you are looking to achieve. It could be personal success -- overcoming smoking or dieting or building a shed for instance.

3. Step 3

   Plan for the unexpected, because setbacks will occur to slow down your plan. If you expect something to take a week, add a few extra days; if it gets done within the original time frame that is even better. Plan for delays, they surely will happen and be prepared to deal with them. Often in today's business world we are tempted to rush to finish and then are disappointed in the results.

4. Step 4

   Overcome putting off until tomorrow what you can do to today. Procrastination isn't going to help you achieve your goals. Take charge of what you have control over. You have control over, what you do, not what others do.

5. Step 5

   Believe you have the right to accomplish what you have set out to do, by setting goals that are "SMART" goals. Those goals should be specific, measurable, attainable, relevant, and time bound.

6. Step 6

   Don't accept responsibility for someone else's failures, but be willing to accept responsibility for your own actions. Remember this - there is no failure in trying to do something, the only failure is in not trying.

7. Step 7

   Accept that you will need to do some things that are not as enjoyable as others, to accomplish your ultimate goal.

8. Step 8

   Do even the things you are unhappy about with the same professionalism and dedication that you do the thing you enjoy. Be able to say, you do your best in everything you do.

How To Communicate: Improve Your Relationships With Effective Communication Skills

Here's How:

1. Stay Focused: Sometimes it’s tempting to bring up past seemingly related conflicts when dealing with current ones. Unfortunately, this often clouds the issue and makes finding mutual understanding and a solution to the current issue less likely, and makes the whole discussion more taxing and even confusing. Try not to bring up past hurts or other topics. Stay focused on the present, your feelings, understanding one another and finding a solution.
2. Listen Carefully: People often think they’re listening, but are really thinking about what they’re going to say next when the other person stops talking. Truly effective communication goes both ways. While it might be difficult, try really listening to what your partner is saying. Don’t interrupt. Don’t get defensive. Just hear them and reflect back what they’re saying so they know you’ve heard. Then you’ll understand them better and they’ll be more willing to listen to you.
3. Try To See Their Point of View: In a conflict, most of us primarily want to feel heard and understood. We talk a lot about our point of view to get the other person to see things our way. Ironically, if we all do this all the time, there’s little focus on the other person’s point of view, and nobody feels understood. Try to really see the other side, and then you can better explain yours. (If you don't 'get it', ask more questions until you do.) Others will more likely be willing to listen if they feel heard.
4. Respond to Criticism with Empathy: When someone comes at you with criticism, it’s easy to feel that they’re wrong, and get defensive. While criticism is hard to hear, and often exaggerated or colored by the other person’s emotions, it’s important to listen for the other person’s pain and respond with empathy for their feelings. Also, look for what’s true in what they’re saying; that can be valuable information for you.
5. Own What’s Yours: Realize that personal responsibility is a strength, not a weakness. Effective communication involves admitting when you’re wrong. If you both share some responsibility in a conflict (which is usually the case), look for and admit to what’s yours. It diffuses the situation, sets a good example, and shows maturity. It also often inspires the other person to respond in kind, leading you both closer to mutual understanding and a solution.
6. Use “I” Messages: Rather than saying things like, “You really messed up here,” begin statements with “I”, and make them about yourself and your feelings, like, “I feel frustrated when this happens.” It’s less accusatory, sparks less defensiveness, and helps the other person understand your point of view rather than feeling attacked.
7. Look for Compromise Instead of trying to ‘win’ the argument, look for solutions that meet everybody’s needs. Either through compromise, or a new solution that gives you both what you want most, this focus is much more effective than one person getting what they want at the other’s expense. Healthy communication involves finding a resolution that both sides can be happy with.
8. Take a Time-Out: Sometimes tempers get heated and it’s just too difficult to continue a discussion without it becoming an argument or a fight. If you feel yourself or your partner starting to get too angry to be constructive, or showing some destructive communication patterns, it’s okay to take a break from the discussion until you both cool off. Sometimes good communication means knowing when to take a break.
9. Don’t Give Up: While taking a break from the discussion is sometimes a good idea, always come back to it. If you both approach the situation with a constructive attitude, mutual respect, and a willingness to see the other’s point of view or at least find a solution, you can make progress toward the goal of a resolution to the conflict. Unless it’s time to give up on the relationship, don’t give up on communication.
10. Ask For Help If You Need It: If one or both of you has trouble staying respectful during conflict, or if you’ve tried resolving conflict with your partner on your own and the situation just doesn’t seem to be improving, you might benefit from a few sessions with a therapist. Couples counseling or family therapy can provide help with altercations and teach skills to resolve future conflict. If your partner doesn’t want to go, you can still often benefit from going alone.

Tips:

1. Remember that the goal of effective communication skills should be mutual understanding and finding a solution that pleases both parties, not ‘winning’ the argument or ‘being right’.
2. This doesn’t work in every situation, but sometimes (if you’re having a conflict in a romantic relationship) it helps to hold hands or stay physically connected as you talk. This can remind you that you still care about each other and generally support one another.
3. Keep in mind that it’s important to remain respectful of the other person, even if you don’t like their actions.
4. Here's a list of common unhealthy ways to handle conflict. Do you do some of these? If so, your poor communication skills could be causing additional stress in your life.

How to Develop Good Communication Skills

Steps

1. Know what communication really is. Communication is the process of transferring signals/messages between a sender and a receiver through various methods (written words, nonverbal cues, spoken words). It is also the mechanism we use to establish and modify relationships.

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2. Manifest constructive attitudes and beliefs. The attitudes you bring to communication will have a huge impact on the way you compose yourself and interact with others. Choose to be honest, patient, optimistic, sincere, respectful, and accepting of others. Be sensitive to other people's feelings, and believe in others' competence.

3. Make eye contact. Whether you are speaking or listening, looking into the eyes of the person with whom you are conversing can make the interaction more successful. Eye contact conveys interest, and encourages your partner to be interested in you in return. In less intimate settings, when giving a speech or when in front of several people, holding the eyes of different members of your audience can personalize what you are saying and maintain attention.

4. Be aware of what your body is saying. Body language can say so much more than a mouthful of words. An open stance with arms relaxed at your sides tells anyone around you that you are approachable and open to hearing what they have to say. Arms crossed and shoulders hunched, on the other hand, suggest disinterest in conversation or unwillingness to communicate. Often, communication can be stopped before it starts by body language that tells people you don't want to talk. Appropriate posture and an approachable stance can make even difficult conversations flow more smoothly.

5. Have courage to say what you think! Be confident in knowing that you can make worthwhile contributions to conversation. Take time each day to be aware of your opinions and feelings so you can adequately convey them to others. Individuals who are hesitant to speak because they do not feel their input would be worthwhile need not fear; what is important or worthwhile to one person may not be to another and may be more so to someone else. In a world so very big, someone is bound to agree with you, or to open your eyes to an even deeper perspective. The courage to say what you think can afford you the opportunity to learn more than you knew before.

6. Speak clearly enough to be heard. When you are saying what you think, have the confidence to say it so as to be heard. An appropriate tone and volume can inform listeners that you mean what you say, you have thought about what you are saying, and what you are saying is worth hearing. Using proper inflection helps ensure that your listeners hear exactly what you are saying, and reduces possibilities for misunderstanding.

7. Practice. Developing advanced communication skills begins with simple interactions. Communication skills can be practiced every day in settings that range from the more social to the more professional. New skills take time to refine, but each time you use your communication skills you open yourself to opportunities and future partnerships.

8.Develop effective listening skills. Not only should one be able to speak effectively, one must listen to the other person's words and engage in communication on what the other person is speaking about. Avoid the impulse to listen only for the end of their sentence so that you can blurt out the ideas or memories that come to your mind while the other person is speaking.

How to Start a Good Day?

Pumping ourselves up with optimism in the morning by doing several things can give us a jump start on our well being. Starting out with a positive attitude can make a world of difference when you greet the day. Here are a few tips to get the motor running.

10 Tips to good start a day

10. Sleep Early: Now you must be thinking that how sleeping early can help in starting a good day. Answer is, sleeping early will give your body,mind and eyes full rest. Proper to all three things mentioned above is essential. If we will sleep early, we will also wake up early in the morning. It is good to have 6-8 hours of sound sleep.

9. Wake up Early: As sleeping early is important, waking up early is equally important. If we sleep more than 8 - 10 hours our body will start paining. Instead of giving rest, we will start our day with body ace. More time spent in bed is also harmful, it makes a person lazy. Lazy person can't give a day a good start. Start you good day by waking up early. As said by Ben Franklin "Early to bed, early to rise, makes a man healthy, wealthy and wise."

8. Washing Eyes With Cold Water: Washing eyes with cold water gives relief to your eyes. Once the eyes are washed properly we get better vision after waking up.

7. Surya Namaskar(Sun Salutation): After washing your eyes, do Surya namskar for 5 - 10 minutes. Surya namaskar is part of traditional yoga. Surya namskar is performed while the sun is rising. Rising sun can be seen with naked eyes as the Sun is less brighter than as compared to be in afternoon. As per Indian tradition Surya(Sun) is thought to be top of all gods. Most of Hindus(Indians) use to do Surya Namaskar in morning to start their good day.

6. Yoga: Yoga = Healthy Body + Healthy Mind..
Yoga keeps our body fit and makes our mind healthy. Due to our hectic schedule our mind remains in stress. Yoga, the science and art of life, was discovered by our forefathers and they handed it over to us as a priceless heritage. Its value is seriously realized in today’s world. Today’s world is dynamic, and stressful. To meet its demands we have to work hard. In the process, we develop stresses and strains. Yoga is a science that enlightens us regarding why we feel stress, tension and pain. It suggests a life style which is free from stress and pain. It restores the imbalances in our physical and mental systems. It makes our body and mind effective for leading a happy and healthy life. So do yoga for 15-20 minutes for self meditation and getting relief from stress.

5. Jogging: 10-15 minutes of slow jogging help in keeping body fit. Jogging helps in proper and fast circulation of blood. When we wake up early our mind comes from a rest state to active state. Due to this, the pace of flow of blood is slow. To bring it to normal pace as it is in during day time we must do jogging. Jogging is just like any wrestler warming up before match.

4. Laughing: Laugh loudly for 5 - 6 minutes. This is called laughter therapy. Laughing loudly fastens our blood flow and helps in removing any stress or strain .

3. Proper Bath and Brush: After you have performed all the activities mentioned above we must rest for 15-20 minutes. After rest we must have proper brushing of teeth and bath. Our 1/2 of day goes bad because we don't have proper bath and we also don't clean our teeth's, tongue properly. All the day we fight with bad smell coming from mouth and body.

2. Healthy Breakfast: Good and healthy breakfast is required in morning as we have to take so much work from our body. Most of us skip breakfast as we think that it is not important to have breakfast. As you have not eaten from 8 - 10 hours your body must be demanding some thing to go inside to get energy. Eat something which gives you energy. I use to take scrambled eggs and oatmeal. These two things provide my body fibre, protein and long-lasting carbohydrates.

1. Positive Thinking: Think positively in morning. Always think that you will achieve the goals you have set for yourself. Bring good thoughts in mind. Tell your mind that you will remain calm for whole day in any case, good or bad.

How to Save Time in the Long Term

When talking about productivity, we often talk about how to do things efficiently to save time. While doing things efficiently could save you time in the short term, you may still lose time in the long term. The reason is that you lose more time not by how you do things but by what you don’t do. Not doing things efficiently could cost you hours or days, but not doing things at all could cost you months or years.

Why does it happen? Why don’t people do what is right to do? There are three reasons for that:

1. They don’t know what is right to do.
2. They know what is right to do but underestimate its importance.
3. They know it’s important but procrastinate doing it.

In this post I will focus on the first and second reasons. For the third reason you can read defeating procrastination habit or my review of The Now Habit.

The first and second reasons have cost me time again and again. One example in blogging is regarding Amazon Associates program. Since the early days of my blogging I often write about the books I read. Some of the posts (like 37 Lessons to Help You Live a Life that Matters and 106 Tips to Become a Master Connector) became popular and attracted a lot of visitors. But I didn’t know that I could earn commissions by referring people to Amazon through those post. Only after blogging for almost one year did I realize that and join Amazon Associates.

Experiences like this teach me that to save time I need to prevent such things from happening again in the future. I must find the right things to do and do them.

Here are some tips to save time by finding the right things to do:

1. Expand your knowledge

The first thing you should do is expanding your knowledge. If you don’t even know that something exists then there is nothing you can do about it. That’s why it’s important that you get as many options as possible on your radar. You can do this by regularly reading books, magazines, and blogs in your field. You can also read materials from other fields – whether they are related or not – so that you can cross-pollinate ideas. Of course, reading is just one way to expand knowledge. There are other ways like watching videos, attending seminars, and joining professional organizations.

2. Write down all potential ideas

While expanding your knowledge, you will find potential ideas along the way. Write down all of them in your idea journal. The act of writing makes the ideas sink deeper into your mind. You should write not only the ideas that incrementally improve your way of doing things but also the ideas that could radically change the way you do things. I often get such ideas from unrelated fields and experiences.

3. Take the ideas seriously

This is where I often make mistakes. It deals with the second reason above: knowing what is right to do but underestimating its importance. To overcome it, whenever you encounter an idea ask yourself: what if the idea is right? What consequences will it have on my way of doing things? Perhaps there is no consequences right now, but what are the potential consequences five or ten years from now?

4. Find the ideas that have the biggest potential regret for you

Since you have only limited resources (whether they are time, money, or energy) and most likely many potential ideas, you should choose only a few of them that are most promising to implement. My favorite way of doing this is by assessing the potential regret I would have if I didn’t implement an idea.

Imagine yourself years from now looking back. What can you potentially regret if you don’t implement the idea? Questioning potential consequences as you do in #3 should help you find the regret level you could have if you don’t implement it.

So here is a key question to choose the few ideas to look deeper into:

Which ideas – assuming the ideas are right – could make you regret the most if you don’t implement them?

5. Investigate the ideas

Now that you have a few promising ideas, you should look deeper into them. Get as much information as possible about them. Ask or learn from people who already apply them. Use the questions what, why, when, where, who, and how to guide your investigation:

• What is the idea?
• Why should I apply the idea? Why is it good?
• When should I apply the idea?
• Where can I apply the idea?
• Who should apply the idea? To whom should the idea be applied?
• How should I apply the idea?

If possible, find multiple viewpoints for the questions so that you get complete view of the idea.

6. Test the most promising ideas

From your investigation you will get one or two most promising ideas. Now what you need to do is testing them in the real world. Apply the ideas. Incorporate them into what you do. Find out by yourself whether or not the ideas work. Some of them will fail but that’s how you improve yourself to save time in the future.

***

These tips will help you save time in the long term. As you’ve seen, the idea is to minimize your potential regret. Minimizing your potential regret has nothing to do with playing safe. Instead, it requires you to take risks here and there.

Psychological effects of a break up

“Pain is a common denominator among all men” the sentence read. I can’t recall the book because I was interrupted by some sand I discovered in my shoe. I removed what bit of the sand I could find from my shoe and continued down the board walk exploring the shops.That line, however, stood out, permanently imprinting its words on my memory. So simply stated, it reveals a great truth that is sometimes overlooked. Neither wealth, nor power, nor poverty can protect you from the irritating sting of pain.

Not many of us are fortunate enough to say we have never experienced a broken heart, and to have your heart broken by someone that you have shared so much with and invested a great bit of yourself in can generate a radiating pain that floods your soul and washes over your entire being.

A break-up can be a like a rough wave that takes you off your feet when you least expect it. It causes you to land full force on your chest drowning your ability to rationalize, to feel, to breathe. It leaves you feeling disoriented, out of control, and frightened.

You’ve heard the term “broken heart”, but what does that really entail? What goes on beneath the surface of your brain is astounding. Let’s dive into the psychological effects of a break-up.

If you’ve ever been dumped you probably experienced the following reactions:

• Shock and Confusion
• Denial
• Guilt
• Grief and Sadness
• Anger

All of these are completely normal and may come in different order than listed above. However, did you realize that these were your body’s way of protecting you? Your brain operates by producing neurotransmitters.

These are basically the emotional plugs that keep your brain a float. These chemicals aid in the function of all your body parts as well as the sometimes seemingly over active emotions you experience on a daily basis.

When you here those words “We need to talk” a tidal surge of norepinephrine rushes from a part of your brain called the amygdala making you more alert, causing your palms to sweat a little, and your heart to beat harder. When he continues to say “It’s not working out” or “Let’s just be friends” that surge happens again.

You go into a sort of panic mode. Your brain reacts as if your body is about to experience some great trauma so it releases adrenaline causing you to either freeze, start crying, hyperventilating, or even shaking.

You cry yourself to sleep that night only to wake up the next morning feeling shipwrecked and abandoned. You recount those final words, and try to rationalize what happened. You remember every detail about your relationship and inspect each area closely.

You think of things you could have done, and feel guilty for not doing them. You ponder the many different ways you could reconcile what is lost, and all of this leads to an overwhelming sadness. This is caused by the levels of serotonin in your brain decreasing to lower than normal, causing you to feel depressed and hopeless. So go ahead and cry, this actually helps boost those levels of serotonin making you feel better.

At some point during this process you will feel anger. For some it comes early and others it is a delayed response. This emotion is due to the neurotransmitters known as catecholamines released in your brain.

At the thought of him with another girl, certain words he may have said, or just the situation in general, this chemical causes you to get a burst of energy that makes your heart beat faster, your blood pressure to rise, and your rate of breathing to increase.

There is no right or wrong way for your body to react to this despair. When I was last dumped in 2007, I did not see it coming. How can a guy tell you that he loves you one day then take it back the next? How can he tell you that you are the most beautiful girl in the world then turn around and tell you that he no longer finds you attractive? How can he tell you that every endearment he had shared with you was all a mistake? I could not understand why my ex would tell me any of these things.

Thankfully, I had a best friend who was up late that night when I called her. I rushed over to her house where she then took me down to the 24-hour Walgreens, bought me a chocolate milk, some crayons, and a couple of Disney Princess coloring books. She took me back home, and we colored into the wee hours of the morning.

While your brain takes care of your body, you need to take care of your heart.

Here are some things you can do to help yourself through this grueling process:

Do not isolate yourself

Surround yourself with people that will lift you up in your time of distress. Go out and have fun. Make new memories to replace the old ones.

Establish a routine

If you don’t already have a specific routine you go by everyday, start one. At least have a couple of things to do. Start a new hobby, or pick up an old one. This will help you fill up the time that you would have been spending with Mr. What’s his face.

Give yourself a week

Give yourself a week to mourn this loss in your life. You may think at first you can’t live without him, but the reality is YOU WILL LIVE! You won’t get over this in a week, but at least do the hard core crying, yelling, and pillow punching within the first seven days. The next seven days will be challenging, but not as bad as the first week.

Doing what is listed above will release endorphins in your brain creating a sensation of peace and happiness.

Your brain is a fascinating creation designed to release chemicals to protect you in traumatic experiences, even in break-ups. Your brain knows that you physically cannot handle going from being in a committed relationship to being dumped without a grieving process.

The emotions you experience act as a cushion to help you through this process, and additional outside assistance can help guide to smooth sailing. It is important to not let bitterness arise over the horizon. It along with resentment and even spite will surely rear their ugly heads, but these are feelings that you do not want to be involved with.

They’re stormy waters that will toss you all about without any rest. Forgive him for all the hurt he has caused you. No one is perfect, and he failed in a certain area just like you may fail in another.

Pain is inevitable and unavoidable. It is like sand that gets caught in your shoe, irritating. But what happens when sand gets caught in an oyster? It makes a pearl. Going through a break-up is an irritating circumstance that gives you rarity and a beauty that you could not have achieved without the pain.

10 Things To Do Besides Cry After a Break Up

Breaking up can be hard to do. But instead of sitting around crying all day and night, try some of these ideas instead!

• Work out. Nothing relieves stress like a good work out at the gym, or even a run around your neighborhood. Pop in your IPod and have at it. You will get in shape, and feel better about yourself.
• Watch your favorite movie or TV show. If you’re watching a program you really enjoy, you won’t be thinking about things that make you sad. Pull out an old comedy, or watch re-runs of your favorite TV show and keep your mind off everything.
• Play with your pet. Pets never let you down! Cuddle with your dog, play with your cat, or even talk to your fish. Pets are there for you no matter what- they are your best friend and love you regardless.
• Hang out with friends. They can make you laugh and help you have fun, forgetting about why you’re sad. Go out to eat, grab drinks, watch movies, or even work out together.
• Clean. Clean your room, clean out your car, straighten up your house- cleaning is another stress reliever and it helps keep your space neat too! It also might trigger a creative side to redecorate or clean something else.
• Change Something. Whether it is a new hair style, rearranging your room or house, or signing up for some sort of class, changing something in your life can be for the better. It’s like starting a new You- and what a perfect time to do so.
• Plan for the future. You’re single and independent now, so plan ahead. Make some fun plans for the summer, pick out classes for the fall, or plan a trip for anytime. Set goals and deadlines for things you want to accomplish now that you aren’t tied down.
• Buy something new. Don’t go out and blow all your money because you are upset, but buying something small for yourself can help a lot. A cute shirt, a new CD, or a cool pair of shoes will help keep a smile on your face.
• Fix your favorite meal. Fix yourself or order something you love but don’t normally get to eat. Order Chinese, fix a steak, make some delicious pasta, or even get ice cream.
• Burn a new CD. Make a CD with all your favorite songs. Keep them upbeat and don’t put songs that will remind you of your ex on it- keep it to brand new songs or old songs that remind you of other people and fun times.